/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /* ponder.js Code was created by C. Eton. Statement author unknown. Only 1 item need to be edited: 1. The Statements array variable. */////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// // List the statements to display. Add statements as necessary. var Statements = new Array( 'When companies ship Styrofoam what do they pack it in? ', 'I believe that we need to improve governance everywhere in Africa in order to enable our people to build real freedom and real development for themselves - Mwalimu J.K. Nyerere ( 1922 - 1999 ) ', 'Dr. King didn’t get famous with a speech called ‘I Have a Complaint.’ At some point, we have to say what we are for. - Van Jones: Ella Baker Center for Human Rights ', 'Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? ', 'Do not go where the path may lead, go instead to where there is no path and leave a trail - Ralph Waldo Emerson', 'Why do we label underwear as a pair? ', 'The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha', 'What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? ', 'Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but it doesn\'t get you anywhere - unknown', 'There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun. - Pablo Picasso', 'A smile is a light in the window of your face to show your heart is at home.', 'Always aim for the moon; even if you miss... you will still be among the stars.', 'Any day above ground is a good day. - Robert Gerus', 'Seeing is believing but believing is not seeing - Johnson Ejalu', 'Character is what you do when no one else is looking. - Dr. Laura', 'Why is it called a TV \"set\" when you only get one? ', 'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" - Nelson Mandela', 'Why in a country with freedom of speech are there phone bills?', 'Little things affect little minds. - unknown', 'Why don\'t sheep shrink when it rains? ', 'Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM? ', 'Don not complain about farmers with your mouth full - unknown', 'Don\'t explain. Your friends don\'t need it and your enemies won\'t believe it. - Jen Tishere', 'Garbage in, garbage out - unknown', 'Brains are like mouths; when empty they blather, when full they digest - Pete Harrison', 'Be careful what you ask for; you may get it. - unknown ', 'Be the change you wish to see in the world - Ghandi', 'Should you trust a stockbroker who\'s married to a travel agent? ', 'Why do they report power outages on TV? ', 'Why do tugboats push their barges? ', 'Sooner or later doesn\'t EVERYONE stop smoking? ', 'Why is a keyboard called a keyboard if it just has little buttons? ', 'Clean your finger before you point at my spots. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)', 'Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes. - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)', 'Be true to yourself - unknown', 'Better late than never - Roman Proverb', 'Clouds that thunder, do not always rain. - Armenian (on vanity and arrogance)', 'What is the purpose of that little ball on top of the flagpole? ', 'If 75% of all accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away? ', 'Why do your nose run and your feet smell? ', 'Will you die if you get scared half to death twice? ', 'What is the funny beep on the radio just before the network news? ', 'Beware of little expenses: a small leak will sink a great ship. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)', 'Birds of a feather, flock together. - Robert Burton (1577-1640)', 'Blood is thicker than water. - Unknown', 'Charity covers a multitude of sins. - Bible (Peter 4:8)', 'Chickens don\'t praise their own soup. - Martinican', 'If a vampire can\'t see himself in a mirror, why is his hair always so neat?', 'If a cow laughed would milk come out its nose? ', 'If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? ', 'Why do men\'s bicycles have crossbars? ', 'Why is the word abbreviate so long? ', 'Do married people live longer than single people do or does it just seem longer?', 'Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone is going to clean them? ', 'Is it true that cannibals don\'t eat clowns because they taste funny? ', 'Can you be a closet claustrophobic?', 'If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages? ', 'If you are in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens if you turn on your headlights?', 'Isn\'t Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?', 'Are people born stupid or do they have to work at it?', 'How did a fool and his money get together?', 'If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?', 'If you try to fail and succeed which have you done?', 'How can someone draw a blank?', 'Do toilet seats really protect us from anything?', 'Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?', 'If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, \"Quit while you\'re ahead\"?', 'If someone with multiple personalities robs a bank who is charged with the crime?', 'Corn oil is made from corn, Olive oil is made from olives, so what does baby oil come from?', 'How can there be self-help groups?', 'If fire fighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight? ', 'Why do banks charge you a \" non sufficient funds\" fee on money they already know you don\'t have? ', 'Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?', 'Do you think the Assassination Museum was created after JFK\'s assassination?', 'Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all? ', 'Why is a black light not black?', 'Why is it when a door is open it\'s ajar but when a jar is open isn\'t not adoor?', 'Why is it called a Caesar\'s salad? Did he invent it?', 'Since light travels faster than sound, isn\'t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?', 'Why do old men wear their pants higher than young men do?', 'If your born again do you have two belly buttons?', 'Why do they say new and improved? It can\'t be new if it was improved can it?', 'Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? ', 'How does the guy who runs the snowplow get to work in the morning?', 'Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? ', 'Why do we wait until a pig is dead to cure it? ', 'Why do women wear such uncomfortable shoes? ', 'If a turtle doesn\'t have a shell is he homeless or naked? ', 'Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn\'t they already know it? ', 'Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? ', 'Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?', 'Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? ', 'Why is it that when you tell a person that there are 400 billion stars in the sky and he\'ll believe you, tell him a bench is wet and he has to touch it? ', 'Why is an orange an orange but an apple not a red? ', 'Is the glass half full or half empty?', 'Why do people look up when they think?', 'Why don\'t we get dizzy from the world spinning so fast? ', 'Is it possible to be totally partial? ', 'If blind people wear sunglasses why don\'t deaf people wear ear muffs? ', 'Why do doughnuts have holes? ', 'Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?', 'If you throw your pet cat out the window of your car does it bec0me cat litter? ', 'Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations if smoking is prohibited there? ', 'Why are cows milked from the right side? ', 'Why is it called a building when it\'s already built? ', 'Can fat people go skinny-dipping?', 'Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? ', 'Why did God give men nipples? ', 'Isn\'t Big Kid and oxymoron?', 'If a man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? ', 'Why do you have a hot water heater when you don\'t need to heat hot water? ', 'Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting? ', 'Why do phone companies give you a number to call if your phone doesn\'t work?', 'Would a fly with out wings be called a walk? ', 'How come you press harder on a remote when you know the battery is dead?', 'Why isn\'t there mouse flavored cat food? ', 'Why are they called apartments when they are stuck together? ', 'If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding what is it expanding into? ', 'Why don\'t we get goosebumps on our face? ', 'Why do brown eyes see better in the sun than blue eyes? ', 'Why does an alarm clock \"go off\" when it BEGINS ringing? ', 'Who really took the bite out of the Apple logo? ', 'How is it possible to have a civil war?', 'Why do roman paramedics refer to IV\'s as \"4\'s\"?', 'Will wearing short sleeve shirts show your support for the right to bare arms? ', 'If a person kills their clone is it murder or suicide?', 'Why are they called stands when they are made for sitting? ', 'If a book about failures doesn\'t sell, is it a success? ', 'Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have a s in it? ', 'If vegetarians eat vegetables what do humanitarians eat? ', 'When an elevator is overloaded with passengers who is criminally responsible? ', 'If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? ', 'When sign makers go on strike is there anything written on their signs? ', 'Why do other people hear our voices different than we do? ', 'How come superman can stop bullets with his chest but he always ducks when someone throws a gun at him?', 'Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?', 'Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address you turn the radio down? ', 'Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? ', 'IF you\'re cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read all right? ', 'If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation or a murder? ', 'If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? ', 'Was the only reason God gave us a shin is to find things in the dark? ', 'Why are there 5 syllables in the word monosyllabic? ', 'Where are the germs that cause good breath? ', 'Why does unscented hairspray smell? ', 'If one synchronized swimmer drowns do the rest have to drown too? ', 'If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? ', 'If white wine goes with fish do white grapes go with sushi? ', 'Why do scientists call it research when they are looking for something new? ', 'If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan? ', 'Why don\'t more psychics win the lottery? ', 'What causes the holes in Swiss cheese? ', 'Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it is called cargo? ', 'Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?', 'Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream? ', 'Why is it when planes almost hit each other it is called a near miss? Shouldn\'t it be called a near hit? ', 'Why can\'t you find fresh sardines in a fish market? ', 'If you can\'t drink and drive why do you need a driver\'s license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots? ', 'Isn\'t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do \"practice\"?', 'Why is yawning contagious? ', 'Developing a plan is actually laying out the sequence of events that have to occur for you to achieve your goal - Goerge L Morrisey', 'Why don\'t penguins in Antarctica ever get frostbite? ', 'What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? ', 'If you have an open mind is there a chance your brain might fall out? ', 'Why does X stand for kiss and O stand for hugs? ', 'Why do bananas grow upward and all other fruits grow downward? ', 'Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? ', 'We prefer self-government with danger to servitude in tranquility - Kwame Nkrumah 1953', 'Why doesn\'t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? ', 'Why does slow down and slow up mean the same thing? ', 'What does the Q in Q-tip stand for?', 'What happens when none of your bees wax? ', 'Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injection? ', 'Do little angels have car seats in their chariots in heaven?', 'What\'s another word for thesaurus? ', 'What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane? ', 'Better to give than to receive. - Bible (Acts 20:35)', 'Better to be safe than sorry - Samuel Lover (1797-1868)', 'Better three hours too soon than a minute too late - William Shakespeare (1564-1616)', 'Clothes may disguise a fool, but his voice will give him away. - unknown', 'Conscience makes cowards of us all. - William Shakespeare (1564-1616)', 'Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the conquest of it. - William Danforth (1870-1955)' ); /* GetStatement( ) is the primary function. It assumes the following: 1. The HTML file contains a form named "statementform". 2. Within the statement form, there is a textarea or textbox named "statement". */ function GetStatement(outputtype) //modified by javascriptkit.com to either write out result or set innerHTML prop { if(++Number > Statements.length - 1) Number = 0; if (outputtype==0) document.write(Statements[Number]) else if (document.getElementById) document.getElementById("ponder").innerHTML=Statements[Number]; } // The GetRandomNumber( ) function extracts a random number within a given range. function GetRandomNumber(lbound, ubound) { return (Math.floor(Math.random() * (ubound - lbound)) + lbound); } // The Number variable keeps track of which statement to display. It will start at a random point. var Number = GetRandomNumber(0, Statements.length - 1);